Saturday, April 26, 2008

Burying alive

"Bhool jaao mujhe..."

How easy is it to forget your dearest friends?
Your friends with whom you have lived the moments you would never be able to experience again, with whom you have fought over craziest of things and found happiness in even that, with whom you have shared the deepest secrets of your life...

How easy is it to forget someone who you have loved more than yourself?
Someone with whom you have seen the life of your dreams..someone who would take you to the land of the fairy tales where everything would be just perfect, that special someone whose voice brought smiles to your face and whose touches arouse all your sentiments.

How easy is it to forget people who have affected your life even in the slightest terms? . When someone dies ,you have no other choice but to forget them gradually, because you know they are not coming back,never. But the problems start when you are asked to bury them alive ! In spite of the fact that coincidences may occur when you can meet them again or they may get back to you sometime, you are asked to tell yourself that you never ever knew them................You meet as strangers, then you start finding solace and happiness in the strangers' company, you start looking into future; with some of them you share the moments that would last till the end of your life, yeah, they are no more strangers to you. You start believing that it was all God's conspiracy to bring you together, you actually never were strangers, it was just that your brains could not recognize each other, and then the souls talked, and talked to each other. Yeah, you were never strangers!

I have met many people complaining about the same thing, "Yaar, main use nahi bhool paa raha (I am not able to forget that person)." I always wondered what they really meant by not being able to forget the loved ones. Do the memories they had together haunt them? Does their faces flash off when they are all alone? What happens to me when I try to forget someone? As I prep myself for a new life, the new life, I try to find answers to all these questions, questions that have always remained unsaid and untalked. Well, no faces flash off in front of my eyes. No memories haunt me. But still there is something that makes me uneasy. As long as I am in company of others, I do not generally get reminded of them. Its only when I am alone that they come into my mind. Should I stop being lonely ? Should I always be engaged with somebody or something? That is so not possible. Will they be haunting me forever or will it stop after sometime? What should I do? Should I stop doing things that we liked to do together that made us happy? Should I stop singing/listening to the song that she liked so much or should I stop writing poems? I do not have the slightest of clues. But one thing that I know is that I should be ME. I think, the more we try to forget them the more they will haunt us. So,better not pretend that we don't know them. "Let it be like that...", I guess this may help overcome such memories. People will come and go, we have to live with that. Life moves On! I still do not know what it really means, but I guess I need to understand the same, yeah, Life moves On!

On the lonely streets we find them
Strangers, as they are referred to
We give our hearts to some of them
And also love, so precious and true
As it grows further, One fine day
"Forget me!", they say to you
And they leave your hands on the way
Fly away,they leave you blue....

Friday, April 18, 2008

Before I bid adieu.......

Farewells, farewells and more farewells....
Yeah, all to remind you, 'It is time to say Goodbye!' In the last 4 days, I attended two farewell parties, one by Maurya Vihar (by the juniors of Bihar and Jharkhand), another by Sangam,another cultural association. Both the farewells were nice, but I liked the former one more, the MV farewell, and I owe a few words to it.

The MV farewell was scheduled to start at about 8:15, though I had started the proceedings well before. Dressed in a white shining shirt and a black jeans with casual shoes, I was all smiles. I clicked a few fotos and gathered all my friends for the same.Finally, the moment arrived at 9:30 when I was escorted by all the friends and 2 juniors to the farewell. It was organized for me and my fellow student Shobha. The program started with the formal introduction and then Shobha's write up and souvenir giving.. And then as Raku(Rakesh Kumar) began with my write up, I started thinking of my seniors' farewells, where I would listen to their write ups with such attention and enthusiasm, I said to myself, This is my turn!:) .

The most exciting part of a BITSIAN farewell is the write up. We seem to know too much about ourselves, yet to hear what others have to say about us arouses excitement in us. Your best of the friends writing things about you and your college life, the incidents when you proved yourself to be the biggest fool on earth and you wanted to forget them so much, the memories of the stage performances that you will always want to be mentioned when people say about you, and most importantly, those minute things that remain unsaid. Everything said and said in plenty(read exaggeration) gives you the ultimate thrill :) . "He used to sit behind the girls and sing songs to impress them....." . "He used to copy assignments from others and get more marks than his fellow who wrote the codes themselves...." " He says the worst shayaris (2/4 line verses in Urdu/Hindi) , that too in the mess! " These are not things to be proud of, or to be very happy about, yet there is some sensation that crawls through your body when you hear them! Now you get to know, your friends certainly know about you a bit more than you do. You feel happy because somebody has observed something in you that you never bothered to. Every single word said about you sits into your heart.

The next part of the farewell is a the farewell speech. BITSIANS do not generally prepare any farewell speeches, they just say something (the something is not that attractive). So, I prepared a small farewell speech and memorized it very vaguely, after all I am a BITSIAN too :). I spoke things about the write up, the 4 years of my college life, and about MV. I also shared a few words about my friends. Finally, I thanked my faculty members, parents and everyone who had affected my life in some way. I wished to say a few words about 2 very special persons of my life, my soul mate and my love. But I did not, I don't know why! May be, I am waiting for a bigger platform, yeah, they are that close to me!

Then it was my turn to receive the memento from Prof Chandrashekhar. As exptected, I was requested (read it asked) to sing a song, but what came as a surprise was Prof Chandrashekhar requesting for Teri Dewani :) . I have no clue how many times have I sung that song! The dinner conclude with a delicious dinner, and then cracking foto session. Fotos with friends, was fun.One of my juniors said, "Bhaiya, aap senti kyun nahi ho rahe hain?" (Bhaiya, why are'nt you feeling sentimental?) ,he probably wanted me to be a bit sad.People think of farewells as a very sentimental program, but I don't know, I could not motivate myself enough to get my eyes wet.

As I wait for another two farewells, The Computer Science Association Farewell and the most awaited by any BITSIAN, the Diro's Party (The Director's Party to all the passing out students), I remember my seniors' words, 'Don't worry too much about things, just Live your life.' Now I understand very clearly, what they really wanted to say. Without doubt, college(hostel) life is one unforgettable experience for every student. You learn now only your courses, but far more than that. You learn about YOU. You make the best friends and sometimes, fortunately,you find someone special to carry on with further in your life. Now when its the time to say Goodbye, I feel myself chocked. I know I am going to miss every single bit of this place. Its air, its scorching heat and the bone chilling colds, the redis, the small kutti hostel rooms, Temple,Shivji,SKY,C'not, GYM G,ANC, SAC ...the list goes infinitely long.Above all, I will miss my friends :( . I would say just this : Once a BITSIAN, Forever a BITSIAN ....